Once my dad wrote me a note that said, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e. e. cummings. I pretty sure that's all it said. If not, its certainly all that I remember. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
As a person that values consistent growth, I'm also a person that needs a reminder to have courage. Because, quite frankly, I simply forget to remind myself I have it.
Last night, I was studying with tired eyes, sore shoulders, an overused highlighter. I was mentally done. Over it. I knew I couldn't take my test, but I also knew I was being tested... Do I have the courage? To study like Rocky training for a fight (not the one where he is down and out, not that one) or the courage to give up valuable time with friends, co-workers, and the like?! The thing is I do. Because I know its for a greater purpose.
Its like in yoga when the pose is so hard, and you just want to get the eff out of it. Then, you move on, into the next... And, suddenly, you appreciate it. You feel like you have more flexibility, more movement, and you think, "Well, it wasn't THAT bad." I know I will appreciate the hard work. AFTER. When I have more flexibility and movement. And also I know that courage and faith make the road getting there a little easier.
I'm completely and utterly fascinated by these dreamy, blurry portraits by Miaz Brothers. Every painting looks nearly airbrushed perfect with the exception of a paint drip or two.
Practice. Study. Prepare yourself. Think. Act. Face the
beasts. Pay the piper whatever dues you think you have to pay. Do the
dance, walk the fire, wait in line. Plant the seeds, hoe the field, go
to market. Because on the day that you become all that you now dream of
becoming... Oh my gosh, there is simply no price that would seem too
great.
It's going to be that good, you're going to be that happy, and it's going to be for so, so long. Guaranteed.
If anyone had to told me a year ago as I sat across from Caroline, a life coach, who was stunning, poised and perfect, that not only would I spill uncomfortable personal details to her, but one day I would have the honor of being her friend and would, in turn, spill uncomfortable personal details to her entire professional audience... well, I would have laughed. (Probably in the same way you did to that incredibly long run-on sentence I just wrote). However, here we sit... all nervously laughing. I started this blog in an effort to entertain myself, to open up, to be honest, and see how true I could be... no matter who was reading it. While assuredly that journey will never end, I am elevated and humbled that someone other than my mom reads it. Or to go one further, it actually resonates or connects with anyone. So, thank you for listening to the babble... even if we are related. xo ---
Carlotta is 24 years old and from Barcelona. She has been taking
photos since she was a teenager. One of her best friends gave her a
Praktica reflex camera from 1989 before she briefly moved to Paris a few
years ago, and she has been shooting on film ever since. see more at
her portfolio & diary.
So yesterday, I woke up and it was just that sort of perfect Sunday to do nothing. But, I felt this desire to nothing with someone. As I french-pressed my coffee and surveyed my apt in a what-to-do-next type of way, a wave of loneliness swept over me... and then a wave "get the hell over yourself".
As an only child, I've always enjoyed my alone time. However, like most people, on my terms. The thing is, I had options yesterday. There were certainly people that I could have called, things that I could absorb the time, but for whatever reason, that didn't seem like the right move. So, instead I took a little pause and thought about how many people would appreciate not having plans, having freedom... quiet, expansive, alone-time. And then the switch was flipped, literally I was no longer lonely. I was alone, but not lonely. I ended up truly having the most perfect day.
So often we expect outer influences to make us feel better. To comfort our fears, to take care of our desires, to transform our thoughts. But, truthfully, its a gift we give ourselves. And its constantly there.
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I found this video by poet/singer/songwriter Tanya Davis when researching loneliness. I think so beautifully expresses the blessing of being alone.